Trading My Ashes for Beauty

At church last week we sang the song "At the Foot of the Cross (Ashes for Beauty)."  The lyrics impacted me as I feel that they are a summary of my journey with God. 

At the Foot of the Cross (Ashes for Beauty)

At the foot of the cross
Where grace and suffering meet
You have shown me your love
Trough the judgement You received
And You've won my heart
And You've won my heart
Now I can

Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross

At the foot of the cross
Where I am made complete
You have given me life
Through the death you bore for me
And You've won my heart
And You've won my heart
Now I can

Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross

The lyrics sort of summarize where I was before God.  I felt ugly inside.  I had very little self esteem very little self worth.   But through time, as I got to know Christ as my personal friend and savior, he changed all that for me.  He took those ashes that were inside and made something beautiful out of my past.  I was ugly and "burned" - but he took those remains and created something totally new.  It was a new me.  And I felt it all over.

God has done an internal makeover in me.  I now know of his love for me.  For us.  I recognize how he takes care of me and my details.  I am filled with joy regularly.  I am delighted by the gifts that he gives and I am overwhelmed with the desire to give back.  To spread the beauty and joy that God created inside of me.

If you know me, you know that I smile a lot.  That I'm friendly and that I ask what's going on. That's genuine.  I really am that happy.  And I really DO want to know what's going on. 

I feel that after my inner makeover, it is now time for the outside to reveal what the inside feels like.  It is time for me to take care of the temple that God created in me and be as healthy and pure inside as possible.  It is now important that the outside shows the discipline, the heatlh, and the rejuvination - the overall "work" that God has done.

And hense, the title, and the purpose of my Blog.  Praise God!

Meet Me.

Yes, I'm a fattie. Well, maybe it's not visible at the moment, but I'm a fattie inside and it's just waiting to show it's ugly face again. But not if I can help it! Not again!  Food is my personal demon.  But I will give in to it no more!


This blog is about my own journey to inward health and outward beauty. This blog is for me - to be a resource and a "filing system" for the things I have discovered. This journey is my search for "outward beauty" -- I say that because I recognize that I am already beautiful on the inside. My beauty from within is because I am a child of God, created in His image, exactly how he wants me to look - and recognize I am loved beyond measure through him as he created me. I feel that true beauty starts there, and without the light and joy of God, your outward appearance is only that, an appearance, and cannot be true "beauty" without the recognition how amazing and beautiful you are through the eyes of God.   


With that being said, my demons that have possessed me for most of my life have been based on low self esteem and looking for where I fit into the world. Food has been my joy, my friend, my comfort, my conversation, my social avenue, and my confidant, when things were going well in other areas of my life, and equally when they weren't. When I let God into my heart, he was able to fill my void where I was seeking to be loved and accepted. However, my bondage with food continued to haunt me. I have recently recognized that food was just that - my bondage, my addiction, the one thing I could not get control of over my life. As I considered it, I realized that food has been my drug, my porn, my secret lover, a major sin (to me at least) -- that "thing" that people judge and despise in others. When I realized that, I was disgusted by my bondage, and it no longer seemed like the "little thing" it had seemed before. I have since then worked to break that bondage. I have worked on getting healthy and learning what my body needs and what it doesn't need, the way God created it. This blog will be a journal of my continued journey.

This blog will not necessarily be on HOW I've lost the weight. Just know that it has been a little bit of this and a little bit of that -- and each piece has helped complete the puzzle for me. This blog will be my journal, my recipes, my resources, my spiritual journey and my other discoveries along the way.


So, if you are wondering, I've been big.  And I've been small. And I've been everything in between. I've been a size 18.  I'm currently a size 6 - working towards a size 4 waist and a size 4 lifestyle.





Let the journey begin!